Van Winkle To Be Awoken For NBA Finals

Asleep for, what seemed like, a lifetime (but in reality, was only 6 days), while NBA marketing geniuses went about their greedy little work, Rip cannot remember the last game he witnessed.



"I just remember a really loud and obnoxious PA announcer..."

The Two Faces of David Stern

David Stern on the possibility the Pistons and Spurs could meet in the finals...



David Stern after the Pistons and Spurs don't make the finals...

Laker Fans Finding Love All Over Again

"Hey, those colors look great on you. Do you come here often?"

And Now, Playing Towel Boy for the Los Angeles Lakers...

Check out the 411 I gathered on the Lakers' Towel Boy.

And Then There Was Only One Fan Left For Kwame

Snapshots From Laker Land

Just thought you might appreciate a few images from the Nuggets vs. Lakers game. Ya know, a look inside the huddle, the locker room, and underneath the Laker Girl's hula-like skirts. My God, where was the luau? Ssssssssmoking. Game? What game? Can I please play pin-the-#@%# on the Laker Girls?



Hey, true story: combined weight of the Laker Girls, 98 pounds, give or a take a rice cake, or a turd the size of a fig newton.



6 Snapshots From Laker Land

1. I saw it the first time, couldn't be certain it was actually what I saw: Kobe, while on the floor, checking out something other than the game. Saw it a second time and there was no denying it, must've been the hula skirts:

"Give me a K..."

Note to Kobe: PASS!

2. Dumbass fan talking smack to Kenyon Martin. Dumbass Martin for returning serve. Dumbass Fan gets booted by Dumb & Even Dumberass security.

3. Melo struts through the tunnel like he is Al Capone leading the city of Chicago to war. I imagine Capone was tough enough to avoid the banana peel (aka Kobe's foot) and ankle sprain.

4. A.I. in the locker room commandeering the TV play-by-play. Let's hope he doesn't quit his day job anytime soon.

5. George Karl tells me if it wasn't for Anthony Carter, the Nuggets would be 16-24 and not the other way around.

b. Von Wafer refuses to comment on story I am writing about AC. Maybe a little something to do with, um, playing time? FYI: Wafer does look sharp in the layup line.

6. Chicks in the L.A. crowd know exactly what to do when they get on the Jumbotron: shake their brand new assets. Somewhere, a Beverly Hills surgeon is smiling.

b. As am I, Laker Girl. So thanks for that. I could tell you about the scenario I dreamed up but...gotta work tomorrow. And I have sheets to change.