OK, girls: How about you snap a current picture, or three, and not use one from your high school year book? Or the one with the fancy "mood" lighting. Guess what? You might have to meet us one day. You know the mood then? Awkwwwwwwward.
2. Smoking
Last time we checked, "absolutely not" under the smoking question meant, yup, absolutely not. If you have a slight problem of chain smoking a pack a day, guess what? It's a no-brainer. You're a smoker! Next.
3. Health
"Keeping it healthy" does not mean you dine out for Krispy Kremes at midnight and your breakfast consists of Twinkies and Red Bull. It means: balanced diet, the kind that'll help you stop that twitching!
4. Workout
OK, working out "5 times a week" does not translate into walking from your car to get the KrispyKremes. Note: This DOES NOT HELP the twitching. And please: Don't point at your belly and say it would take you a week to get it in shape. It would take you: NEVER, that's how long.
5. Age
If you're 38 in real life, that doesn't make you 29 on the Internet. It makes you 38. We know how hard it is for you to DO THE MATH, but trust us: You're over-the-hill. It's time you started acting your age and started accepting advances from the creeps down at the Home Depot.
P.S. By the way, we still like romantic walks on the beach, poetry and FURRY animals. And occasionally a giant taco.
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