10 Things a Woman Doesn't Want You to Know

1. She is going to become just like her mother.

2. She took Viagra once and sat around with some girlfriends comparing penis sizes.

3. It IS all about size.

4. She's thinks about sex as much as you do.

5. She thinks about shoes more than sex.

6. She could live without that taste in the back of her throat.

7. Your credit card makes a great lozenger.

8. She has no idea what her Chinese-symbol tramp-stamp means. Slutty?

9. When she says no she really means, "oh please, just ask me one more time so I can hold onto a modicum of my dignity."

10. PMS is a myth created by women who have no better resources to control men with.

Writer's note: Yes, I just ducked as the flower vase broke in tiny little pieces on the wall behind my head. I'm now off to the paint store. Bring you home some Haagen Dazs, honey?

5 Ways to Tell a Guy Wants to Have Sex With U

1. He's awake.

2. He's awake and drunk.

3. He's awake and drunk and trying to cram dollar bills into your crevices.

4. He's awake and drunk and trying to cram dollar bills into your crevices and he doesn't even know you're a dude.

5. Did we mention he's awake?



"Hey, babe, is that a pencil in your panties or are you just glad to see me? And what exactly does this dollar get me anyway?"

This Basketball Addiction is Wearing Thin

I think I'm finally almost ready to check myself into the Promises wing for hoop addicts. Don't ask me who played yesterday, I couldn't remember. Today, is another story. Davidson's Cinderella dream ends. Well, maybe. Point being: Sorry I have been lax on posting recently, going to pick that up real soon, when basketball winds down and I find myself with nothing better to do than poke fun at, well, probably basketball. Though, Jose Canseco is always an option. Stay tuned, good friends, stay tuned.

March Madness: Bruin Boy vs. Trojan Boy

(TROJAN BOY)

Matt Leinart’s over there.

(BRUIN BOY)
So?

(TROJAN BOY)
We rule you in football.

(BRUIN BOY)
You’re trying to change the subject.

(TROJAN BOY)
What subject?

(BRUIN BOY)
That your team looks like they’re being coached by Jackie Moon out there.

(TROJAN BOY)
Is that the guy in those commercials?

(BRUIN BOY)
Uh, huh.

(TROJAN BOY)
I wouldn’t want to smell like him.

(BRUIN BOY)
Nor your basketball team during our last 15-2 run.

(TROJAN BOY)
Did I mention that Matt Leinart’s over there?

(BRUIN BOY)
Yeah, I saw him covering his eyes, too.

(TROJAN BOY)
Funny.

(BRUIN BOY)
And, FYI: We’re coming after you in football. We got a coach now.

(TROJAN BOY)
Rick Neuheisel? You call him a coach? Where is he anyway? I don’t see him out here supporting the basketball team.

(BRUIN BOY)
That’s because he’s probably out recruiting.

(TROJAN BOY)
Who? Players to participate in his NCAA bracket pool?

(BRUIN BOY)
Funny yourself.

(TROJAN BOY)
BTW: We’re going deeper than you in the real tourney, anyway.

(BRUIN BOY)
You mean: the OJ Mayo & Michael Beasley NBA Coming Out Party?

(TROJAN BOY)
What’s the difference with Love?

(BRUIN BOY)
Love knows there’s no ‘I’ in team. You’re talking about the Pac-10 Freshmen of the Year, and the Pac-10 Player of the Year. That’s what I’m talkin’ ‘bout.

(TROJAN BOY)
Yeah, well, he’s going to need the Pac-10 Chiropractor of the Year after we’re done with him. Take that to the NCAA’s, baby!

(BRUIN BOY)
In case you haven't noticed, we have.

Cheerleaders of the Pac-10

Take a little video tour of the recent Pac-10 tourney, where fans couldn't quite decide on which team has the hottest cheerleaders. You tell me.

The Evolution of NBA Players

Ask an NBA Ref

The Dawg has been barking up too many trees lately. Therefore he will leave you with this cat from espn magazine.